Gratitude / Giving

Every evening before digging in to dinner, members of the Shilonoff family take turns listing something they received that day, a self-acknowledgment for something that might have been difficult or a stretch, and something for which they are grateful.

A typical response from the children (ages 10, 9 and 6): “I got a compliment from one of my classmates. I finished my piano practice before school. And I’m glad we have a dog and cat.”

Though full of the everydayness of life, their responses show that the children—and the whole family—are developing a profound practice of gratitude.

The words thanks, gratitude and giving derive from the word grace and refer to meaningful, authentic ways to acknowledge the grace in our lives. Too often, however, we are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives.

Gratitude is a perception, a way of looking at things, and an attitude of gratitude is a cornerstone of long-term mental and physical health. It balances us and gives us hope.

The path of a goal, whether a goal set for your personal life or in the course of business, is generally seen as having four steps: 1) assess the situation 2) set goals for how you want it to be 3) take steps to achieve the goals and 4) achieve the goals (completion).

After Step 4, many people return to Step 1 with the question: “OK, what’s next?” And then it’s on to Step 2 and 3 and 4 again.

Hold on. Stop right there.

There is actually a very important fifth step that many of us leave out. Step 5 is where we celebrate our achievements! After working hard to reach our goals, taking time to celebrate gives us the opportunity to:

• Capture the learning. When we take stock of what we’ve learned along the way to our goals, we can consciously incorporate those lessons in the future.

Leaving a legacy is not just a practice reserved for the wealthy. It’s a common human trait to want to leave something of ourselves behind. For some that may be leaving their mark in business or in the arts; for others it’s carrying on the family name through children.

Types of Legacies

Your legacy might include a combination of some of the following:

• A business or non-profit organization that carries on your work after you’re gone.

• Beauty, inspiration and wisdom passed on through creations such as books, music, and art.

Gratitude isn’t a new idea; most spiritual practices and philosophies emphasize gratitude and compassion for others. But in recent years gratitude has shifted from being an idea to a concrete tool that people can use to become happier and healthier. This practice focuses on appreciating what others have done for you and de-emphasizes being angry or blaming others for your problems.

“When we develop a sense of appreciation for those around us and cultivate a sense of gratitude for life itself, we are relieved of the burden that comes with seeing ourselves as ‘victims,’” writes Greg Krech in Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection.

Krech calls this state of appreciation “grace,” a term used in many religions. However, grace as a practice is not a belief as much as a shift in thinking. Or as Krech puts it: “It’s the difference between seeing life as an entitlement and seeing it as a gift.”

However it is practiced, gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Yes, pain and injustice and cruelty exist in this world. But when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. We often feel more energized to reach out and help others; we feel we have some power to positively affect our world. This again leads to a feeling of well-being…and gratitude. It’s a self-sustaining cycle!

An investment executive reads at an orphanage during his lunch hour. An elderly man distributes sandwiches every evening to the homeless in his neighborhood park. A teen spends her vacation building houses for poor families rather than scuba-diving.

Unlike news headlines that shout out bad news and horrific happenings, goodness often reveals itself quietly. The people doing the good work, true everyday leaders, will likely tell you, “It’s no big deal. I’m just doing my life.”

It’s true. Those who practice grace are not saints, not perfect people. And they come from all races, ages, genders, spiritual beliefs and lifestyles.

They are ordinary people doing acts of extraordinary importance.

What Kathleen A. Brehony discovered in writing her book, Ordinary Grace, is that for these people, acts of kindness lead to the kind of meaning and fulfillment that makes life worth living. In other words, we make a life by what we give.

What do we take for granted? What moves us? What would fill our hearts daily if we would just notice it?

1. The senses. Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste—daily miracles each of them.

2. The plant world. From the productivity of a late-summer tomato plant to the delicate unfurling of a fern, nature’s exuberance and tenderness is something to behold.

3. Opportunity. Our steady companion, opportunity is always ready to take us down a path yet unknown. (Hint: We have to say “Yes!”)

4. Beauty. What do your eyes feast on? What splendor makes your soul rejoice? It is all around us every day. How often do you stop to drink it in?